What Never Happened
by Polaris'05
Summary: Taking a life is never easy. Telling your brothers about it isn’t any easier. One-shot between two brothers.


_A/N: Hi guys! This is the first time I've tried writing for this particular fandom, and any feedback on how it is would be ever so wonderful! This is just a plot bunny I finally caught hold of and thought I'd share. Written on a rainy day off... you know how it goes. Plot bunnies that are not written can end up driving a writer mad..._

_I don't own anything to do with the Ninja Turtles, but that sure would be cool... _

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**What Never Happened**

Hamato Raphael was not in a good mood. Donny could tell by the way his brother entered the Lair early that morning, a little past three. As usual, the hotheaded turtle had been out "knockin' heads" with Casey… as usual, Leo had argued with him about it… as usual, Raph had left anyways… and as usual, it sounded like he had injured himself somehow.

Usually, though, Raph would come in swearing and muttering under his breath, still taking swings at the empty air around him, perhaps. It amused Donny to see, and it meant that everything was normal. Tonight, however, as he watched his brother limp quickly and silently across the floor, he could see something was different. Something was wrong. For one thing, Raph hadn't even noticed him. True, he was in a shadowy corner, hidden behind the pile of spare parts and bits of machinery that he was trying to convert into yet another added bit of security for the Lair, but Raph was never one to enter a place blindly without a quick glance around. Even when he was relatively safe in his own home, he wouldn't be moving so carelessly and unfocusedly as he was now.

For another thing, Raph was being far too quiet. Sure, he generally kept the noise down when he got in so late, but that was mostly because he knew if Leo was given the opportunity, he would be in for yet another lecture. Still, it was odd that Raph wasn't making a sound at all.

Then, of course, there was the look on his face. Donny didn't pretend to be an expert on Raph's facial expressions, but it didn't take his extraordinarily high IQ to know that this one wasn't a good one. Donny had never seen his brother look like that; it was almost like he was… shaken, disturbed by something. As the family doctor, Donny was concerned. What had happened to make his tough older brother look like that?

"Raph?" Donny called out quietly, not wanting to wake the others. Raph didn't even turn around, which only increased Donny's concern. Frowning, the younger turtle got up from his workbench and crept lightly behind his older brother.

Raph, either ignoring him or still unaware of his presence, headed straight for the bathroom they had fixed up in the Lair. Turning on the faucets, he let the hot water run, the steam fogging up the mirror. As the sink began to fill up, Raph grasped the edges of the counter and leaned over, closing his eyes and letting his head sink forward as though he were trying to fight the urge to be sick. Don waited silently behind him, watching and giving him a visual look-over for any obvious injuries. The red-banded turtle seemed to be shaking slightly, and… was that blood?

Donny continued to watch without comment as Raph turned off the water taps and began to wash off his hands and forearms. Within a few seconds, the water in the sink had turned bright red from all the blood Raph was washing off. Donny couldn't see any cuts on his brother, and it didn't seem like the blood could be his anyways- if he had lost _that_ much, he likely wouldn't be able to stand up at all.

When Raph had finished cleaning off his hands and his sai, he let the water go and leaned over again, bowing his head and breathing heavily. After a minute, he looked up and gazed at his reflection in the cloudy mirror with some look Donny had never seen before.

"Raph?" Donny said gently, increasingly worried about the odd behavior, but vaguely becoming aware of what had caused it.

Raph jumped, snarling and spinning around with his sai already drawn. Donny stumbled backwards, holding his hands out placatingly.

"Whoa, sorry, bro," he said hastily, eyes widening at the anger and fear he saw on his brother's face. "I didn't mean to startle you… I just wondered if you were… alright."

Raph didn't answer, but glared at him with the same wildness in his eyes, breathing heavily. His expression rapidly shifted from shock to relief and then to anger, bordering fury.

"What the shell do ya think you're doin'?" he snapped harshly. Donny shook his head in apology.

"Sorry, Raph," he said again, but was interrupted by a shove from his older brother.

"Get out!" Raph growled. "Don't you dare sneak up on me like that! Just get out!"

Don glared back, reeling a bit from the shove but standing his ground. He pointed at the sink, looking Raph in the eye.

"That was a lot of blood. I wasn't sneaking up on you, I just wanted to make sure you weren't hurt! What happened?"

Raph turned away with another snarl.

"It wasn't my blood, genius. Go to bed."

"Whose was it?" Donny asked, impervious to Raph's anger. He wasn't leaving until he was utterly and completely satisfied that his brother wasn't in any need of medical attention.

"No one you know," Raph muttered sourly. "Just leave me alone."

"What happened, Raph?" Don demanded persistently. Raph growled and muscled his way past him, heading for the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator, he grabbed a bottled soda and tried to stomp past his brother again, but Donny blocked the way.

"Get outta the way," Raph snapped. Don folded his arms across his chest.

"What happened?" he asked again.

"Who died an' made you the Fearless Leader?" Raph asked snidely. "I said, leave me alone!"

The two turtles stood less than a foot apart, glaring at each other. Finally, Don sighed and stepped out of the bigger turtle's way. A physical confrontation wasn't in anyone's best interests and he had no intention of letting it go that far. Raph smirked and stepped past him, clearly thinking he had won.

"You killed him, right?"

The point-blank question came out of nowhere, literally making Raph freeze mid-stride. Setting his foot down, the older turtle slowly turned around to stare at his brother, eyes wide and guarded.

"I… I dunno what yer talkin' 'bout," Raph said slowly. "It ain't none of yer business, anyways."

"It was always bound to happen, Raph," Donatello said gently. "All the guys we fight… it's a lot of pressure. It wouldn't be that hard to lose control and swing just a little too hard."

"I- that's not what happened!" Raph snapped.

"I'm assuming it happened after Casey left you," Don said shrewdly, thinking hard. "He wouldn't have left you, covered in that much blood. You were tired and just wanted to get home and he surprised you. Or maybe it wasn't even you, maybe it was some poor girl that you were trying to help."

"Great story," Raph sneered. "You could write novels."

"It's not your fault, Raph. We're just defending ourselves!" Donny rattled on, oblivious. "I'm sure you didn't mean to, but when someone's trying to de-shell you, you're going to do whatever it takes to stop them. _Whatever it takes_. It was an accident."

"It ain't like that," Raph tried again, but with less conviction in his voice. Don watched as his brother's face crumpled up and he started shaking again. The purple-banded turtle felt a surge of pity for his older brother. Raph was all muscle and toughness on the outside, but they never attacked with intent to kill. Even when they fought the Foot ninja, or the Purple Dragons, they never used lethal force. Ever. Taking a life was never an easy thing, and besides, Master Splinter had taught them better than that.

"Then what was it like?" Don asked softly, hoping his brother would open up. "What happened?"

Raph paused for only a second, looking momentarily as young and confused as the teenager he was supposed to be. Then, his eyes hardened again and he stood up stiffly.

"Nothin' happened. Me an' Case went out an' had some fights an' now I'm goin' to bed. Goodnight."

Spinning around, Raph stalked down the hall. Donny hesitated before padding behind him.

"Look, Raph, I know it's hard-"

"You don't know nothin'!" Raph whispered fiercely, rounding on him. "You ain't got a clue what it feels like- I mean, what it _would _feel like, if anythin' happened, which it didn't! None of the rest of you ever killed no one, so even if I had, you couldn't possibly help! Even Leo ain't never killed a man! You don't gotta hear a man's last breath every time ya close your eyes! You don't keep feelin' the way his body tensed up when it was run through! You don't remember the look on his face when he realized he was dyin'! _Not_ that I do either, but don't you tell me ya know it's hard!"

"You know you're not the only one who goes out alone, right?" Don asked coolly, his voice low. "You're not the only one who's ever been on the way home and taken by surprise. What makes you so sure you're the only one this has ever happened to? I mean, we _are _all ninja. Accidents happen."

"I _told_ you, that ain't…" Raph trailed off, staring at Donatello as if for the first time. "What're you sayin', bro?"

Don shrugged. "Nothing. But maybe you should consider yourself lucky." He turned as if to go, and was rewarded with Raph's hand falling heavily on his shoulder.

"Wait, what's that s'posed to mean? What're you talkin' about?"

"It's a lot quicker and easier to kill someone with a blade, Raph," Donny said without turning. "Imagine the bloody mess you'd leave behind if you killed someone with a big stick. Now are you sure you don't want to tell me what happened?"

Raph was silent for a moment, regarding his quiet, pacifistic brother – the one who had never hurt a living soul if he could help it and who would rather fiddle around in his lab than actually fight. Finally, he turned around and climbed up into his hammock, dismissing Donny and the rest of the world.

"Go to bed, brainiac."

Don sighed. If denial was an Olympic event, Raph would take gold, silver, and bronze all for himself. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" he tried one last time.

"Why should I wanna talk about what never happened?" he heard drifting quietly from the hammock.

Don waited another minute, standing in the doorway to Raph's room, but his brother was apparently done speaking to him. With a shrug, Donny turned to go until the voice stopped him.

"…Donny?"

Don turned, surprised at how much emotion his normally emotionless brother had managed to put into the single word.

"Yeah?"

"…You gonna tell Fearless?"

Brown eyes met amber ones. Don almost smiled, knowing that was as close as Raph would ever be able to come to asking him for a favor. His brother could never say the words, but his eyes did all the pleading for him.

"Tell him what?" Don asked finally with a small grin. Raph's face relaxed slightly before creasing into a frown again.

"Don?"

"Yeah?"

"You were makin' that up, right?" Raph narrowed his eyes at his brother, studying him. "I mean, what you were sayin'… I mean, you ain't never… "

"Killed someone?" Don finished, a little colder than he meant to. The smile was still on his face, but it didn't quite cover the pain that suddenly filled his eyes. He thought for a minute, the sound of wood on bone and the haunted, terrified face flashing briefly in his memory.

"No," he finally said lightly. "No. It never happened."

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_Hmm... short and to the point. A little bit of a dark side to my favorite turtle (yay Donny!) but let me know what you think!_


End file.
